Thoughts on baby

My sister sent me this video today called "A Mother's Prayer" . Of course, I can't watch anything even slightly sentimental without bursting into tears. So even if it's just the pregnancy hormones this really touched me this morning.

I've been thinking a lot about my child(ren) and how my life has changed and how my heart and desires are so full of hopes and dreams for my little ones. There have been more times then I can count where the thoughts sung in the song have popped in my head or been prayed over Jade's tiny body.

Last night, while lying in bed, wide awake, feeling my little baby Bechtle kicking inside me all I could think about is how good God is. How wonderful and amazing his mercies, his love, his power. I was struck with how He has used marriage as a way for me to better understand his love for me and now with children, again, I feel I'm able to understand a little better how his love for us can be so strong, so powerful even when we are so undeserving. Being a parent I can't imagine any love stronger then the love I have for my child. What I wouldn't do for her, give to her, etc.

When I was pregnant with Jade, I was amazed with the process, but I think I was so preoccupied with being a new wife, living in a new state and going through so many new things, that I wasn't able to really be in the moment of my pregnancy. This time around I feel everything, I am aware of everything, and I'm humbled and excited to know that God is giving me not one beautiful baby but TWO! My life is going to change again, change and be different for ever. And it won't just change for me, life is going to change for Jade as well. She gets to be a big sister.

I'm really excited to see Jade in this new role. She is so strong, so sweet, so precious to me. I know she will be a wonderful big sister and friend.

I started putting together an online photo album of Jade's pictures from the last three years. I feel like I'm reliving all of those memories over again and it's all I can do not to keep from crying. (with joy, of course) It's only been three short years, and yet this is my life and I can't imagine it without her. Remembering how excited I was when she first started doing her baby, gurgly talk, then when she first rolled over. Crawling, walking, eating big girl food, saying her first words...saying "I love you Mommy". Now she runs and jumps and colors and counts and reads (some). She uses the potty and is learning to wash her own hair. She helps me with dinner, cleaning, laundry. I love when she comes up to me in the mornings while I'm on the computer. She says "You emailing mommy?" I'll say "yes I am" then she'll say "what we doing today?". lol! What happened to my little poochie bear? My little baby girl who just laid on the floor staring up at the lights on the ceiling.

Sometimes I worry about having another baby. I worry about favoritism and wonder if I can ever love another child as much as I love my first. But then I think how exciting it will be to get to go through the baby process all over again, to get to be filled with awe and wonder as my next child experiences the joys of life anew. And with it, get to see Jade experience a baby sibling for the first time.

I'm so happy right now.

Oh, we get to find out what we are having next Friday! I can't wait to share with everyone what our new baby will be...girl or boy. hee, hee