lost thoughts

Yesterday, while baking a million cookies during Jade's and the puppy's nap, I had all these deep thoughts regarding Motherhood and wife-hood. They all rolled around in my head for awhile and I found myself organizing them in a way I hoped to later jot down in my journal or on my blog for processing later. However, now that I am able to write down my thoughts...they are gone. Must have drifted away while I slept. *sigh* Here are pics of Jade from this morning. My lovely, little daughter. So big and grown up. It's hard to believe just a little over a month or so ago she wasn't really walking. And now look at her, she is off playing with her "sing-a-long lawn mower" and pulling books from the shelf to "Read" before throwing down and grabbing another.
With company over yesterday I even let out go outside, with her friends, with the sliding door closed (gasp) to play in our fully fenced backyard unattended. She is that big now! Big enough to play in the grass with her bouncy ball without needing me to help her play! Granted, of course she still wants me there all the time, but that's not the point.

I think the best advice I got before having Jade was from a new mom at church who simply said "don't judge motherhood on the first four weeks". She was so right. As fabulous and miraculous and amazingly beautiful as a newborn baby is...I was so tired and so exhausted and so completely lost those first few weeks (and still find myself that way today) I couldn't really enjoy it as much as I would have liked. I felt very helpless and confused so often.
When our bodies and minds are tired I think everything turns into slow motion and, for me, I think I really thought life would never get better and my exhaustion would never end.

But of course it does, of course it did. Life is so great right now with a happy healthy toddler. I complain so often about silly little things that I forget to thank God for the good things. Good things like the fact my daughter eats everything and eats well. That she plays and laughs and loves and hugs and kisses and brings me SO much joy.

The past two days or so I've really felt like I've just been "playing house". I have had the energy and will power to clean my house, cook meals, play with my daughter and hang out with people. All my favorite things!

JB and I were talking the other day about the fact that we should probably be more involved at church and maybe more involved with other things in life. But I don't really want to, like everyone in the world, we are going to get to that horribly, crazy, busy, place in life where you are lucky to eat dinner together and spend quality time together. I'd rather not rush our family into all of that. I'm happy right now and I'd like to just enjoy being a wife and a Mom for awhile. Before I add on "sunday school teacher, soccar mom, homeschool teacher, etc" :)