Missi: Trying not to think about it.

I knew Jonathan was coming out to Virginia, and because of this, I knew I needed to back off on emailing so I wouldn't be all stupid and silly when he came.

I'll never forget that morning. All morning long I was anticipating his return. I woke up early, got to work on time. Casually chatted with co-workers mentioning..."Yeah, did you know Jonathan's in town for the wedding? Yeah...."

I assumed that when he got in I'd be one of the last on his list to visit. After all, we were only now becoming friends. So I tried not to think about who he may pick to visit first. When he walked in the door of my office, I was standing and had my back slightly turned. At first I was just like,
"Oh, Jonathan's here," and then I was like
"HI!!!!"
I walked right up to him and gave him a hug, he seemed extremely happy. I mean...abnormally happy for a Jonathan.
He sat and chatted...and chatted...and stayed...and chatted. I thought this highly uncharacteristic, but I rationalized it, thinking,
"He is very tired, he doesn't want to walk around and mingle when he can just sit in one place and rest."
After all, he had taken the red eye.

I didn't know at this point that I was his first visit. But after the first ten minutes of him chatting in my office, I could tell something was up.
In my spirit I began to get super nervous. I tried very hard not to show this though, and just kept smiling and seeming pleasant.
Leaning back in his chair, he put his arms above his head with his hands behind his neck...and he launched into "it."

"So," He said with a cheesy grin.
"I have a question to ask you."
I think I stopped typing on my computer at this point, cocked my head to the side and said, very sweetly,
"Sure."
He began again, saying, "I traveled all this way, 3000 miles, just to ask you this very, very important question...."
~pause for effect~
"Would you mind having coffee with me tomorrow morning?"
Without missing a beat, so as to not let him think I was curious or thought his question odd, I said,
"Yeah, sure. What time?"
When he responded with "7:00 a.m." I thought I was going to fly over my desk and strangle him. But instead I kept my senses and said that wasn't a problem. (the nut!)

So then he leaves. He leaves my office with a smile and a very light step. And I'm left to ponder his words so few.
I think my heart was beating a mile a minute as I tried to figure out,
"WHAT THE HECK DOES HE WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT!!!!"
It couldn't be that he wants me to be his girlfriend, cause...how would that work!?!?!? He can't be wanting to just "catch up" cause we can do that with a million friends around us and at a decent hour on a Saturday.

Grrrrrr

I tried desperately not to think about it for the rest of the afternoon. I continued not to think about it when I got ready for Jenna's wedding. I didn't talk about it when we girls drove to the wedding. And I totally ignored the subject while waiting outside for the wedding to start.
I avoided JB all that evening. Trying not to stand near him or talk to just him. I kept my distance, afraid I would give something away, or he would...and that would be so much worse.

That night we all had a HUGE party at Amanda's place. I decided I could hang out and talk to JB there, so I sat next to him while we played games, and talked to him casually while people walked around having a good time. But when he left suddenly, and seemed upset and disoriented...I couldn't help but wonder..."what is he so stressed about?"

That night I went to sleep, throwing up a quick prayer for the next day, I said,
"Lord, whatever it is Jonathan wants to talk to me about. Please give me the right words to respond...for only you truly know my heart."